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Taking Sights, Jetting Alone
By Lavanya Six 15 Comments Post Comment	May 27, 2008
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1. Born Again 2. Recruitment Drive 3. I Came, I Saw, I... 4. The Butterfly Effect (I) 5. Meet and Greet 6. Callings 7. Dreams (I) 8. His and Her Circumstances 9. Jetting Alone 10. Asuka and the Ikaris 11. According to Plan

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(NOW)

 

Gendo listened to the report calmly, his chin resting on laced fingers.

"The stock prices of Nippon Heavy Industry Solidarity are in free-fall and the Jet Alone Project has been publicly disowned by its own creator. The JA should no longer pose a threat to our funding or support," declared Doctor Akagi.

"I see. And Unit-01?"

"The Eva's retrieval has been completed. There's no fear of radioactive contamination." She favored the woman to her right with a sly smile. "All thanks to your heroic actions, Captain."

Misato Katsuragi didn't rise to the bait. "Everything went according to the plan, sir."

"Good work. Both of you."

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# # # presenting # # #

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TAKING SIGHTS

Chapter 09 – Jetting Alone

Written by: Lavanya Six

(please don’t sue)

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# # # another installment in a continuing series # # #

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(TWO WEEKS PRIOR)

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"Narita, Tetsu."

"Here."

"Oshiro, Toshi."

"Here."

"Sakamoto, Kenta."

"Present."

"Watanabe, Yuuki."

"Here."

The teacher set aside the attendance list. "Excellent. Everyone's here. Now please open your textbooks to-"

Hesitantly, a boy somewhere in the middle of the neat rows of seated students raised his hand.

The sensei frowned. "Yes?"

"It's, uh, me," the boy said. "I'm here too."

"Ah. Yes. Mister Ikari, wasn't it? I'd heard you'd moved away."

"I came back."

"Mmmm. Yes, well, welcome back." The teacher made a correction to his list. "Now everyone open your textbooks to page..."

 

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Commander Ikari was studying her, of that much Misato was certain.

She had been in her office, filling out the remaining mounds of paper work from the battle with the 5th Angel, when she had been called upstairs. Unlike the previous two Angel encounters, which had been mostly straight shoot-to-kill affairs, Operation Mikasa had involved tens of thousands of NERV workers and various departments all working in coordination to bring together the necessary parts of the plan in time to stop the 5th Angel's penetration of the Geo-Front. That meant paperwork and lots of it. Dealing with the red tape of NERV commandeering the power supply of all of Japan would be enough to drive Misato to drink – which she did, frequently and repeatedly, with no complaints from her remaining ward. Rei Ayanami was very nonjudgmental.

The Commander on the other hand…

"Captain," he began, "what can you tell me about the Jet Alone Initiative?"

Hey, looks like actually bothering to read those intelligence briefings finally paid off. "It's an experimental anti-Angel weapon system developed by Nippon Heavy Industry Solidarity. The JSSDF has no involvement in the project but they're the obvious eventual buyer. According to our best intelligence reports, it's a remote controlled bipedal mecha roughly on scale with the Evangelion, though it's entirely of a mechanical nature. It's powered by an on-board nuclear reactor of dubious safety. It has no ability to project or to negate an AT-Field."

"It's also costing us a lot of money," added the Vice-Commander.

Commander Ikari explained, "NERV's current supplementary budget proposal is stalled in the Security Council. Many of the less influential nations feel that NERV is asking for more money than we actually require and they have decided to take a stand… on principle. A bloc has covertly formed around the JA as an alternative to the Evas. What do you think about that?"

"It's short-sighted, sir. We're talking about the survival of the human race. Defeating the Angels should be our first, last, and only priority. The Evas have proven their worth three times now. There's no reason for the JA, especially when they have no way of neutralizing AT-Fields."

Gendo nodded in agreement. "If the upcoming public demonstration of the JA goes well, Nippon Heavy Industry Solidarity can expect to receive major financial investment from several countries of note – money that will be diverted from future Evangelion production." The Vice-Commander handed Ikari a slim red folder. Commander Ikari proceeded to toss it towards Misato's side of the desk, where it landed with a soft 'thump' that echoed in the quiet office. "You are to ensure that the demonstration fails spectacularly."

Misato picked her jaw up off the ground. "S-sir?"

"Obviously, this will be a covert assignment. You'll be working hand-in-glove with Doctor Akagi. She has several ideas on the matter. I'll leave the overall arrangements and operational planning up to you. Have a proposal on my desk Thursday morning at 0900 sharp."

She nodded, already gathering her wits. "Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

Outside, a blasé Ritsuko Akagi was waiting for her. The two friends stared at each other. Misato found she was uncertain of what to say. Ritsuko, on the other hand, enjoyed the moment a bit too much.

"Welcome to NERV," she said.

 

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"Good morning," Rei greeted her tutor.

"Hey there. How's life?"

Rei considered the question. "Long," she replied after a moment, "and ultimately without inherent meaning or purpose."

"Jesus Christ, aren't you a ray of sunshine in the morning?"

"I have reviewed the combat simulations proposed in yesterday's conversation. The relevant data is being forwarded along the secure data linkup."

"Yeah, I've got it right here." The other figure fiddled with the laptop set in front of her. It ran on a combination of NERV proprietary hardware and software that made hacking into the system from the outside extremely difficult. The fact that the MAGI themselves were monitoring the connection almost ruled out outside monitoring of any transmissions. "Your long-range combat scores look to be about what I figured. Your short-range melee is still shoddy, but that's not going to get better with your current synch ratio, Ayanami. You should probably just leave that to me anyways."

"Yes," she replied. "However, Captain Katsuragi has ordered that we are both prepared to fulfill any role required in Angel engagements."

"Yeah, well-"

"Would a well-rounded education in skills and tactics not be required for someone to be considered the 'best' Eva pilot, Soryu?"

Rei Ayanami, waiting for a response, stared at the image of Asuka Langley Soryu. It had only been a few days since the last two remaining Children had started their tutoring sessions. The two communicated over a satellite uplink from NERV HQ to a teleconference room on the Over the Rainbow. This video link allowed the teens to trade notes over a variety of piloting-related matters.

The relationship was very much lopsided, partly because the Second Child felt only she had something to teacher, but also because only Rei had access to a battle simulator to play the role of student. Asuka had been placed under strict orders NOT to activate Unit-02 – even for minor experimentation with the Entry Plug – in order to save battery power should there be an emergency situation. This restriction left the Second Child in the role of teacher, dictating what she knew from memory to her 'ignorant' student. Rei, briefed by the Commander on Asuka's personality, diligently pandered to the Second Child's ego in an effort to build team cohesion.

It was among the most difficult orders Commander Ikari had ever given her.

"I suppose," begrudgingly conceded the Second Child. "But I know what I'm doing. Don't forget that I've been training at this job for years!"

"As have I."

Asuka sent a death glare over the video uplink that chilled the air between Tokyo-3 and the middle of the Pacific Ocean. "I know that, Ayanami. I'm just saying that obviously I should be the one to take point. Because if – and I don't for a moment think this will ever happen – if I were knocked out of a fight and the safety of the world falls to you and your thirty percent synch ratio… well, God help us all."

"If you cannot pilot, I will do so until I die," she replied plainly.

"Well, yeah." Asuka smirked. "That's the problem, isn't it?"

"…"

Asuka leaned back in her seat, a large, plush leather chair that the Over the Rainbow's admiral would be irritated to know she was lounging in. "At least you're not piloting that glitchy death trap of an Eva anymore. I mean, a Test Type isn't a Production Model but it's a definite step up from that Prototype. Unit-01's never gone berserk or moved on its own."

Rei had nothing to say to this comment.

"Heard anything from that waste-of-air Third Child?"

"No. Nor do I believe I will."

Asuka snorted. "He'll come crawling back, you'll see."

"Why?"

"Because who in there right mind would pass up a chance to pilot an Eva? To be a special person? Honestly, Ayanami, sometimes you say the weirdest things."

Rei turned back to business. "I have reduced the collateral damage in my simulations of the Shamshel engagement by a further 8 percent."

"Meh. Collateral damage. As long as you kill the Angel does that really matter much?"

"Captain Katsuragi says t-"

"Misato says a lot of things," cut in Asuka. "Just because she says them doesn't make them true."

"She is our commanding officer."

"And you're an Eva pilot. Field experience beats that any day of the week."

"Damage to Tokyo-3's intercept system would reduce our ability to combat the Angels and adapt to changing battle conditions."

"Alright. I'll give you that much," Asuka scratched her nose, "but victory's still the most important thing. If you don't win, what's the point of even trying?" Not giving Rei a chance to respond, the Second Child brought up a text prompt on the video feed. "So here's what I want you to try next – Unit-01 verses three Angels armed with progressive chainsaws. Oh, and there's a countdown to an N2 drop so don't waste time screwing around."

"This scenario does not seem to conform to anything in NERV's real-world engagements with the Angels. I do not understand why I should p-"

"Jeez, loosen up, First Child. It's supposed to be fun."

"Fun?"

"Yeah! I put you in a no-win scenario and get to see you squirm – fun."

"If I cannot win, what is the point of trying?"

"Like I said – it's fun… to see how you'd fail."

"What if I were to prove your description of this engagement incorrect?"

Asuka frowned, taking a second to parse that statement. "Wait, you mean what if you actually manage some asspull and win?"

Rei nodded.

"Then," the redhead said with a slightly wolfish grin, "you might just be worth my time after all, First Child."

 

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His uncle walked into the kitchen without looking over at Shinji. "How was school?"

The former Eva pilot, standing over the stove, tended to cooking food in front of him. "It was okay."

"Huh." His uncle walked over to him. "More stir-fry?"

"Y-yes," he said to the disappointed remark.

His uncle turned away, scratching his stubbly chin as he did so. "Well, it's nice to have you back, Shinji. I was going crazy trying to get my rice the way I like it."

Shinji said nothing.

"Always good to have another hand around the house."

Shinji sprinkled in some spices.

"I don't suppose you're ever going to tell me what your asshole of a father did to drive you back here."

"He lied to me," Shinji explained.

"Well, obviously, that's kind of a given with the man, but what exactly made you see the light?"

Shinji tapped his wooden spoon on the rim of the pan. "I'd rather not talk about it, uncle."

"Huh. Must have been something pretty nasty to get you to come back to this hole."

"This place isn't a hole," said Shinji, turning half his face towards the older man. "It's my home."

"Well," his uncle said in a lighter tone, "I'm glad you feel that way, boy."

 

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Ritsuko lit up a cigarette.

"Hey, can I bum one?"

"I thought you quit," she said even as she offered her old friend the pack.

"They help me think," Misato replied, flicking open Ritsuko's Hello Kitty zippo lighter.

"Feeling guilty, are you?"

Misato took a short drag. "No. I'm not."

"Oh really?"

The two women had been holed up in Ritsuko Akagi's office for the better part of the day, going over details of the upcoming mission. Misato had said little so far, instead soaking in the background provided by her friend on the upcoming demonstration and on the parameters of the virus she had written to corrupt the Jet Alone. Now, after a good half hour of intermittent silence, Misato Katsuragi had found her voice again.

"It's an assignment like any other," she said. "It's not exactly what I signed up for but if the JA is a threat to our finding then the JA needs to be eliminated." She tossed the lighter back. Ritsuko caught it in a one-handed catch. "It's the possibility of civilian casualties I'm worried about. What about when it starts the rampage by walking through the JA Command Center? We could be looking at a death toll in the triple digits even if the building doesn't collapse."

"If you feel that way I can rewrite the virus, but there's a dramatic point to its rampage. Remember, this isn't a military operation, it's a covert one with a political aim."

"Who knew orchestrating terrorism could be so hard?" Misato rubbed her forehead with the hand that held her cigarette. "What about the radiation?"

"There's nearly zero chance the reactor will go critical. Trust me. The program I wrote will shut it down before that happens. Short of an extraordinary mechanical failure it won't blow."

"That's another problem, Ritsu." She leaned back in the creaky office chair. "It looks fishy. I mean, everyone knows this thing is draining funds from NERV and then during its first public demonstration the JA just happens to go on a nuclear rampage but shuts down on its own just before it does any real damage?"

"Well what do you want it to do? Blow it up?"

"I'm not going to nuke my own country, thank you. No, I think we need to stop it."

Ritsuko frowned. "What? The demonstration? Or this mission?"

The raven-haired Captain tilted her head back and blew a tall plume of grey smoke upwards at the ceiling. "The Jet Alone, Ritsuko. NERV needs to be the one to stop it."

"What? Why?"

"Just think about it," she said, absentmindedly wondering at the same time why there were so many pencils jabbed into Ritsuko's office ceiling. "The JA needs to fail, yeah, but why not have NERV look good at the same time? The Jet Alone goes on its rampage and they can't shut it down remotely. NERV can step up and deploy an Evangelion. It'll have to be Unit-01 since Unit-00 hasn't been upgraded to ride the Delta wing. We stop the JA and come out looking like heroes. Better yet, since we're doing this in the public eye it'll be Section Seven's chance to preempt negative PR about the Evas." She smiled. "We stop the JA and position the Evas as the good guys – better, the competent guys."

"Great idea, Misato. Really. But won't it look just as suspicious if we have an Eva beat the crap out of the only existing JA? And what about the risk of radiation if Rei damages the reactor?"

"Oh, Ritsu, don't be silly." Misato stretched lazily. "We'll have someone board the Jet Alone using the Eva and then have that person shut down the computer manually before meltdown. That way it looks like someone actually stopped the JA instead of it mysteriously turning off on its own." She laughed. "It's so over the top that nobody would seriously think we staged it."

"…you can't be serious."

"I'm always serious. Just ask my pet penguin."

"And who do you plan… oh God."

"Yup."

"You can't be serious!"

 

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"Fuyutsuki, do you think we should kill Shinji's uncle?"

"No," he said, moving a rook on the board between the two men. "It might bring the boy back to Tokyo-3 but it would emotionally destabilize him. Besides, even a fourteen year old would question the timing of it."

"Hmmm. You're right. Still, I thought it might be worth discussing."

He chuckled. "You're just looking for an excuse to kill Yui's brother."

"Well, he is an asshole. Yui didn't even bother covertly arranging shelter for him during the Second Impact."

"Ah," dryly commented the Vice-Commander, "so that explains it. That invitation to that inland academic conference on September 12th always struck me as a tad fortuitous."

Gendo moved his remaining knight. "The hotel room really had a nice view, didn't it?"

"I take it the high-class hooker that showed up at my door was your work."

"You know what they say about survival situations – they have the tendency to bring different sorts of people together in ways they'd never normally consider."

He smiled. "Bastard."

"It's true."

"Yeah, just look at us now." He moved his queen. "Check."

Gendo frowned. He studied the chessboard. "Hmm."

"Well," said the Vice-Commander, waiting for his friend to make his move, "the clock is ticking."

"Hold up. I'll move my piece when I'm ready."

"I meant about Shinji. We need him for certain Angels, regardless of Unit-01 berserking or not. Besides, when all the Angels are dead he'll be vuln-"

"We'll drag Shinji back if need be," Gendo said, "but not yet. We have nine weeks until Sahaquiel. He may still return of his own accord."

"What possible motive would he have to do so?"

Gendo smirked. "Hate and need."

"What do you mean?"

The Commander didn't bother to elaborate. He selected his next move in their game. "Doctor Akagi informed me that the cores for the Mark II Dummy Plug are nearing maturation."

The Vice-Commander was not impressed with either his friend's digression or his gameplay. "It's a waste of resources, an unnecessary redundancy. Akagi would better spend her time on the S2." He moved his bishop. "Check."

"Now, now, Professor. It's never a waste of time to collect a new doll. You never know when you might need it."

Kozo frowned. "A doll? Is that some sort of sick joke, Ikari?"

"It's an inside joke. Not what you think." Gendo paused in thought. "How goes Rei's socialization training?"

"The Second is making her jump through hoops for no real purpose. It's all very childish, though the girls are developing something of a functional working relationship. Also, Rei's overall sim scores have been improving even if her synch ratio is still disappointing. She's become quite dedicated to her profession since the 5th's attack. I don't suppose you know why?"

The question was slipped in matter-of-factly. Gendo saw it coming. "I'd forgotten how boring these little verbal dances we do were, Professor."

"Funny, I was growing to appreciate you being open with me."

"I prefer not to resign my liberty on certain matters just yet."

Gendo moved a pawn. Fuyutsuki retaliated by taking his friend's queen. "Checkmate."

Commander Ikari jerked his eyes down towards the chessboard. "What?"

"I win," said Kozo, not quite believing his own words.

"…"

"Best of three?"

 

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Back in his office, back being studied, thought Misato to herself.

Everyone was waiting for the Commander to say something, anything about her plan to deal with the Jet Alone. No one dared break the silence before Gendo Ikiar said his peace. As the seconds wore on, however, the situation was becoming tense and just a little awkward. Misato wasn't sure what Ritsuko and the Vice-Commander were doing during this waiting game – she was busy meeting the steady gaze of the Commander.

Well, at least he's not staring at my tits.

"I have serious reservations about NERV operating an Evangelion in the public eye," he said at last. "However, your plan does benefit this agency despite its somewhat… dramatic flair. You have my approval, Captain Katsuragi."

The Vice-Commander fought the urge to smile. He failed. "Taking refugee in audacity, Captain?"

"Yes, sir."

"I must object to this course of action," said Ritsuko. "The Captain's proposal endangers the secrecy of NERV and puts her own wellbeing at risk. There's any number of ways this operation could go wrong just with the airdrop alone."

"I accept that there is personal risk involved," said Misato, "but I am the best choice for this role. Besides, Rei will be able to protect me."

"Are you really willing to trust your life to a pilot with a thirty-one percent synchronization ratio?"

That was an objection no one, not even Commander Ikari, could find intrinsic fault with. Since the departure of the Third Child, Rei Ayanami's low synch ratio was a growing concern among the senior staff of NERV. Though it had spiked after the battle with the 5th Angel to a respectable thirty percent – an event only Commander Ikari could but didn't explain to his underlings – her overall growth had stalled out.

Oddly, it was Rei who had taken steps to compensate for her low synch ratio by increasing her training in the combat simulator. The First Child had thrown herself wholeheartedly into piloting after the 5th's attack, pursuing Eva with a dedication that rivaled her tutor's.

Misato made her case plain, "We trust our lives to a pilot with a thirty-one percent synch ration every day, waiting for an Angel to show up. My safety in this operation is paltry in comparison."

"And what if an Angel attacks while Unit-01 is deployed in the field? Unit-00 is still undergoing its refit, and even if we managed to scramble it we have no pilot!"

The Commander cut into the private argument between the friends, "Your objections are noted, Doctor Akagi, but overruled. The operation will proceed as planned. Dismissed."

Misato nodded curtly. "Sir."

Ritsuko frowned. "Commander."

The two exited the vast office.

 

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Fuyutsuki glanced at the closed door. "That was eerie."

"Yes," agreed Gendo, rubbing his eyes, "but her plan is sound. It worked last time."

"Assuming she doesn't fall out of Rei's hand during the airdrop."

"I trust her judgment in this regard." The Commander reached into his desk for several folders containing information on budgetary matters. Despite his machinations and counter-machinations someone still needed to sign on the dotted line of day-to-day matters. "The Captain's may have a streak of self-sacrifice but it is outweighed by her capacity for ruthlessness. It is one of the reason I hired her."

"Perhaps."

"Is that a note of doubt, Professor?"

"She has too much empathy. Ikari, can we trust her with the scenario?"

He scanned the document before him. "There is no one else."

"Hrmph."

"Once we have the Lance we will tell her everything."

"…everything?" Fuyutsuki frowned. "And if reacts… poorly?"

He scribbled a note in the margins. "We deal with her."

"And then who will we trust with the scenario?"

"God."

 

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A few days later…

Rrriiiiiing…

Rrriiiiiing…

Rrriiiiiing…

Rrr-CLICK "Hello, Horaki Residence."

"Umm… hi. It's me."

"Shinji!" said the girl. "Wow, I didn't think you'd ever call."

"Y-yeah, sorry. I've been busy here, moving back in. My uncle's been making me catch up on all sorts of chores."

"It's all right. I'm just glad to hear from you."

Shinji blinked. "You are?"

"Of course. I'm your friend, aren't I?"

"…"

"Shinji? Hello?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm here." He paused, racking his brain for what he was supposed to say next. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Things have been pretty normal. I mean, there haven't even been any A-"

"Hikari," he hastily cut her off, "Misato told me that they'd be monitoring my calls. I can't talk about any of that stuff. I… you… could get into trouble."

"Oh," she said, a tad shocked. "Well, uh, I see."

Shinji leaned his back against a nearby wall. "So how's Nozomi? And, uh, the other one?"

"Kodama."

"Right."

"Nozomi's good. She was pretty upset after you left."

He frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah," she replied. "She had a good time that night at dinner."

"Huh?"

"Well, aside from the food poisoning."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Hikari chuckled. "It's not your fault, Shinji. The fact is was a fly-by-night sushi stand should have tipped us off."

"Yeah, you know the weird thing? Misato didn't get sick."

"Really? Wow. Did she stick with the rice?"

"No. She actually had the shrimp too. I think it was her ironclad stomach. You wouldn't believe the things she eats."

"Like what?"

Shinji started to pace. "Oh, really terrible food. When I moved in she made a welcoming meal of instant ramen flavored with tabasco sauce and ginger."

"Oh my god."

"And that was one of her better meals!"

"How can an adult not know how to cook?" she asked, horrified. "How'd you put up with that?"

He laughed. "When we divvied up chores with games of rock paper scissors I let her cheat the whole time. I ended up doing everything just so I'd have a clean place with edible food."

"That's horrible!"

"Yeah," he said halfheartedly. "And Rei was just as bad."

"Really?" Hikari perked up at gossip of her fellow classmate.

"She made miso soup for us a few times, but it was pretty plain. She didn't really know how to flavor it right."

"You seem to know a lot about cooking."

Shinji nodded to no one in particular. "Well, my uncle works late hours so I had to fend for myself as a kid. I pretty much just do all the meals around here."

"We should trade recipes sometime," offered Hikari. "I do most of the cooking for my family too. I'll have to cook you something when you come to visit."

Shinji said nothing.

"You are going to visit?" asked Hikari.

"I… I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

Shinji reached for a chair and sat down at his kitchen table. "I, um, I just don't think I should come back. It'd be weird. And I don't think I could face my fa-"

He stopped and jammed his eyes shut, furious at his inadvertent admission.

"Shinji?"

"Look," he bowed his head, "I just can't go back, Hikari. I wasn't meant to be there."

"You were a hero, Shinji," said Hikari urgently. "I know it hurt you to pilot Eva but I felt safer knowing y– CLICK –We're sorry, but for security purposes we have terminated this call. Thank you for your cooperation."

The line went dead.

Shinji stared at the receive in his hands for several seconds, then hung it up.

 

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Staring at the stained countertops and scuffed floor of her apartment's kitchen, Misato Katsuragi sighed.

Unlike Shinji, Rei seldom did cleaning on her own. While the First Child would dutifully perform her assigned chores she did so without any real drive or attention to the little details. Ramen cups and beer cans would be picked up around the apartment but Rei never tided up afterwards. As a result the apartment had taken on a tattered look little more than a week after Shinji's departure. It was, Misato mused as she retrieved a beer from the fridge, as if no one had ever taught Rei Ayanami how to take care of herself.

"Pen Pen," she said, handing her pet a can of his own, "that girl must have been raised by wolves. Or Commander Ikari. Not that there's much difference."

The penguin cracked open his Yebisu. "Wrak."

"Tell me about it."

Misato downed her beer quickly, then grabbed another. This time she nursed her drink slowly, studying the now-foul smelling kitchen around her: bits of dried food stuck to the sink and countertops, pop tabs she'd pulled off her beers were sprinkled all over, and everything just seemed maddeningly out of place.

God, she's just like me only she never has fun. I need to do something about that.

Rei Ayanami wasn't here, though. She was at headquarters, running tests for Ritsuko. So, Misato decided, that left only one thing she could deal with at the moment.

The sight of his owner setting her still unfinished beer aside startled Pen Pen. The unnaturally heavy clink of the not-empty can went off like a gunshot. The penguin staaaaared at the raven-haired woman.

Unbuttoning one shirt cuff, then the other, Misato Katsuragi proceeded to roll her sleeves up past her elbows.

Pen Pen took a half step backwards.

"Okay," she said, determined, "now where do you suppose Shinji stuck the Lysol?"

Pen Pen dropped his beer and fled to his private fridge, yelping in panic.

"Yeesh. Everyone's a critic."

 

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(…echo line results suggest a positive correlation between the Super-Solenoid's impact on its surrounding phase space and the vibrations along the fifth lat-)

Knock Knock

Doctor Ritsuko Akagi looked up from her computer monitor. It had been a long day in a month of long weeks, she realized, but had she just imagined someone knocking on her office door instead of using the call chime like a normal person?

Knock Knock

Huh, she thought. "You can come in," Ritsuko said, toggling a switch on her desk to unlock the door.

The mechanical door snapped open with a hiss. The question of the knocking was answered with NERV's Vice-Commander stepping into her office.

Ah, she thought, the Luddite.

Ritsuko Akagi gave little thought to Kozo Fuyutsuki. Despite his position, she knew he was a minor player in the grand scheme of things. Her mother had confessed to Ritsuko her belief that the Commander only kept the old man around as a favor to his late wife. Fuyutsuki needed protection from SEELE, her mother had said, because he had tried and failed at being a moral crusader.

Nothing in her own experience at NERV had dissuaded Ritsuko of that idea. Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki did little more than sign off on Gendo's schemes. She doubted he held any real sway with the Commander. Still, it wouldn't do to show disrespect. Fuyutsuki had been around long enough to have vital connections throughout NERV's various global branches. He could be useful. Plus he knew where the bodies – metaphorical and literal – were buried.

"Vice-Commander," she said, not rising from her seat, "what can I do for you?"

The Vice-Commander cleared his throat as if to speak but said nothing for several seconds. At last he asked, "Doctor Akagi, I'll get straight to the point. I need to know how the Commander has been sleeping."

Ritsuko stared back.

"Doctor Akagi?"

"I, er, yes. I heard." She gathered her wits. "I don't know what you're referring to, sir."

Fuyutsuki arched an eyebrow. "I very much doubt that."

"…I don't see how it's any of your business how the Commander sleeps, sir."

The grimace on the Vice-Commander's face told her that he knew damn well that the affair wasn't something he should be conversing about, even tangentially. Aside from the fact that it wasn't directly related to her duties at NERV even the Vice-Commander was aware that the affair wasn't something to be discussed. Ever.

And since he's asking me here, away from Gendo...

"The Commander's mental state is important to NERV," Fuyutsuki dryly explained. "That means I need to know everything."

"I won't talk about this."

"I assure you, this conversation will not get back to the Comm-"

"No," she cut him off. "We're not talking about this matter. End of discussion."

"Yes, we are."

She glared at him.

"I'm worried that the departure of his son is negatively affecting Gendo," said the Vice-Commander.

"What?" she asked, dubious to the idea.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "He may not say it but I've noticed certain shifts in his behavior as of late. He keeps odd hours. His temper has been shorter. On Wednesday I even beat him at a game of chess. I haven't done that in nearly eighteen… er, eight months."

Ritsuko processed these revelations. Gendo had been more irritable as of late, pushing her hard on the S2 Project and the two Dummy Plug Projects. She and Maya had even taken to bunking in the Geo-Front to save on travel time to work. Still, she had expected such demands from Gendo Ikari. He was nothing if not determined. It was an admirable quality in a man, so long as he wasn't 'determined' towards you.

"I've known about your affair for three years," he confessed. "What you and Ikari consent to do in your free time is no business of mine – fine – but the Commander has been under a great deal of stress lately. With the return of the Angels. And the subject of Shinji is the one thing he will never, ever discuss with me."

"He doesn't exactly bare his soul to me either," she said, dispensing with any remaining pretense of ignorance.

"I figured as much." The Vice-Commander sighed. "That said you are the only other person who spends personal time with Ikari."

So we're calling it 'personal time'. Polite as ever, Fuyutsuki. "I haven't noticed anything odd."

"Think harder. Has he said anything, done anything even the slightest bit out of the ordinary in the past week?"

"No."

"How has he been... sleeping?"

Aren't I supposed to be the one feeling awkward? "If this gets back to the Commander-"

"It won't," he assured her.

"…"

"You have my word."

"He's been having nightmares once in a while," she confessed grimly. "I'm not sure about what. He won't tell me. When he has them he only sleeps a few hours each night. It's more like napping than real sleep."

"…"

Come on, you old fart. Spill. Gendo's sure as hell not sweating over the boy.

But Fuyutsuki wasn't in the mood for sharing. "Thank you," he said, adding a curt nod. "This conversation never happened."

"It better not have. For both our sakes."

The Vice-Commander made to leave. He stopped, however, at the doorway and without looking back asked, "Doctor Akagi? There is one more matter I have been meaning to bring up."

Wary, she asked, "Yes?"

"I realize you view Rei Ayanami as a competitor for the Commander's affections," he said. "That you see her as someone who could... replace you... in his life."

Shock, fear, and then anger shot through Ritsuko Akagi's heart. She opened her mouth to say something. What exactly, she wasn't sure. Fuyutsuki preempted her before either of them could find out.

"Such a view would be mistaken. Rei is a replacement for Shinji, not you."

"..."

"I've consented to a great many things, committed acts that would have been unthinkable to that bygone professor in Kyoto. However," he glanced over his shoulder, still not quite making eye contact with her, "if Gendo were to make Rei a replacement in that way... I would kill him. Because even I have still limits, Doctor."

"..."

"But it will never come to that because Gendo doesn't see Rei in that way. Neither should you."

"..."

He unlocked the door and triggered the electronic mechanism to open it. "Good day, Doctor." He stepped out.

Ritsuko Akagi stared at the closed door for several seconds before scowling.

"What a fucking moron," she cursed darkly under her breath. "Nobody has limits here. Nobody."

 

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Later that night, a young teen returned to her home.

The smell of chemicals belted Rei Ayanami across the face as soon as the door to the apartment opened. The First Child blinked, her eyes watering. Deciding that ventilation was needed to make her living space habitual again she sucked in a lungful of good air and then strode into the apartment. Rei walked in a straight line to the apartment's balcony door – the glass of one portion still spiderwebbed – and threw it open. Immediately the hot, psychedelic air of the apartment was flushed out by a cross breeze between the balcony and the still-open front door.

The First Child exhaled, then inhaled slowly, careful to avoid any danger from the toxic smelling air. Wiping her eyes, Rei made her way to the source of the reek – the kitchen. And also in the kitchen…

"Hey," said Misato Katsuragi, sprawled on the floor in dirty clothes, "when did you grow a second head?"

The Captain, Rei decided, had obviously been affected by her exposure to the chemical agents. Glancing around the kitchen, Rei picked up on the source of the danger.

"Did a liiiiiiittle cleaning," said Captain Katsuragi, gesturing to the half-dirty kitchen area. The room looked as if someone had drawn a line down the middle and only cleaned one half.

Badly.

The varnish had come off sections of the kitchen table. The countertops glistened with a wet substance that reflected the light shone on them in a rainbow hue. The sinks were backed up with soapy greenish water. The several dozen discolored spots on the linoleum, however, mystified Rei the most. The First Child was unable to theorize what caused them.

"Lucy in the skyyyyy with diamonds," sang Misato. "Lucy in the skyyyyy with… crap, what's the next part? Fuckin' John Lennon always stealin' my music."

Judging that her guardian was in no condition to answer questions, she helped the older woman to her feet and half-carried her into the living room so that she could breathe fresh air. After several minutes Captain Katsuragi looked decidedly more lucid.

"Thanks," mumbled Misato.

"Are you well?"

Her guardian gave her a thumbs up. Rei took that as a positive.

"I could use a beer."

"I do not believe that would be prudent at this juncture."

"Ow," cringed her guardian. "Too many big words." She opened her eyes and glanced over at Rei. "I'm going on a trip tomorrow. I'll be getting back late."

"The Jet Alone demonstration."

"Yeah. You'll have to order out for dinner."

"Why?"

"Because you'll be home alone," replied the older woman. "And because I wouldn't turn on the stove to a high temperature considering what I accidentally used to clean it. I think the resulting gas would qualify as a treaty violation of the chemical warfare ban."

"I do not believe I will have to worry about dinner."

Misato slumped back into the sofa with a frown "Huh? You going over to Hikari's again?"

"I will be assisting you with Unit-01 on the Jet Alone mission."

Misato was silent for several seconds. "So you know, huh?"

"Commander Ikari informed me of the operation this morning."

"Kinda figured it was something like that. You're pretty close to the Commander."

Rei had nothing to say.

"Any objections to the mission?"

"No."

"That's it?" asked the Captain, displaying to Rei a steel in her voice that often was absent in their shared domicile. "No?"

"I have my orders."

"Life is more than orders, Rei. There's right and wrong too. Don't you every think about right and wrong?"

"It is not my place to understand such things."

"Don't be such a tool, kid."

Rei Ayanami shifted in her seat, discomforted by Captain Katsuragi's last comment but not entirely understanding the reference. "Pilot Soryu told me that while you say many things that you claim are true you are, in fact, sometimes in error."

Her commanding officer laughed bitterly. "That's Asuka for you. Little bitch." She shifted her eyes towards Rei. "Don't repeat that. Consider that an order."

"Yes, sir."

Captain Katsuragi sighed. "Don't say that at home. We're off duty. Call me Misato."

"Yes, Misato." Calling an adult, let alone her commanding officer, by her first name was still a strange act for Rei. She would, however, try harder in the future.

"Look, Rei, would you say you're a solider?"

The First Child nodded.

"And soldiers follow orders, right?"

"Correct. An obedient chain-of-command is vital to the success of a mission."

"Exactly! But sometimes you'll be given orders that conflict with your moral imperatives. Then you have to make a choice whether to follow those orders or not." She sat up again. "For instance, if I told you that, say, Unit-02 was an enemy and had to be destroyed, would you do it?"

"Yes."

"Even if it meant killing Asuka?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation.

"Shit," laughed Misato. "Wow!"

"…"

"How would you know if Asuka was really your enemy though?"

"If you are asking me when not to trust my commanding officer's intel on a target then the answer is if my orders directly contradict my own experiences in the field."

"Okay." Misato paused. "What if I said Commander Ikari was your enemy?"

"He is not."

"But what if he was?"

"He is not," she insisted.

"Neither is Asuka, but you didn't have trouble puling the trigger on her in a vague hypothetical scenario."

"…"

"Don't have an answer for that one, huh?"

That bothered Rei. "No."

Misato sighed. "Look, don't get me wrong, I see the need for what we're doing tomorrow. It's just… hell," she shrugged, "I don't know either."

"The operation will go on as schedule and conclude without incident. I will not allow you to be injured during the airdrop."

"Thanks, Rei." Misato glanced over her shoulder back at the kitchen. "You didn't happen to see Pen Pen in there, did you?"

"No."

"Oh."

Rei Ayanami frowned. Were penguins more susceptible to the dangers of fumigation than humans? She found she didn't know. None of her reading material had ever concerned itself with the biology of those birds – they were extinct in the wild, after all.

"Wait, wait," said Misato, interruption her musings. "He's sleeping on the balcony."

The penguin was indeed. Rei frowned, though. Hadn't the balcony door been locked from the inside when she had opened it? Had the bird somehow snuck past her while she was assisting Captain Katsuragi? And if not, how then had Pen Pen reached the lock when he closed the door from the balcony side? And if he could open the door, why lock it with his owner still inside?

Misato was apparently thinking the same thing. "Trying to murder me in my sleep. Bad Pen Pen! That's a bad, bad penguin!"

Pen Pen, in response, continued to doze.

Misato looked to Rei. "Eh, I doubt it was premeditated anyways."

"…"

The older woman stood up. "I'm going to bed. I need an early start tomorrow." She walked towards her bedroom at the end of the hallway. "Good night, Rei," Misato called back with a wave. "Sweet dreams."

The First Child frowned. "Dreams?"

Misato Katsuragi, however, had already shut her bedroom door.

 

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Shinji found himself standing on the linear express.

He was looking over his shoulder, unable to fully meet the gazes of the girl and the woman. "Goodbye, Miss Misato. Goodbye, Rei.

"I… I just…"

"Just… what?" demanded the girl standing behind him on the train.

He looked down at the floor, ashamed.

"Pathetic," said the girl.

The doors closed. The train started to move. Shinji shuffled over the nearest seat. The girl, silhouetted by the gleaming golden light of a rising run, stared back at him from across the aisle. Shinji couldn't make out any of her features. She wasn't even really a distinct figure, just the vague shape of a teenage girl. He had no face to put to this accuser.

"Why did you run away?"

"I didn't run away," he said. "I chose to leave."

"Why did you run away?"

"I already said!" Shinji frowned. "What are you, stupid?"

The backlit girl smirked. "That's my line."

"Whatever," he huffed.

"So why did you 'choose to leave'? Was it because you hate your father?"

"I don’t my father."

"He lied to you. He used you. If he were my father I'd hate him."

"He… he had his reasons."

"Pfft. Right. There you go again, making excuses for him."

Shinji bowed his head. "He doesn't want me. He doesn't need me."

"Why do think that? Is it because of Ayanami?"

"…"

"Is it because he loves Rei Ayanami and not you?"

"…"

"Why is it then?"

"They don't need me. I'm not a hero."

"And what is a hero? Is someone a hero only because other people call them a hero?"

"Well, yeah. Otherwise they'd just be full of themselves."

"Then by your definition you are a hero. Misato, Hikari, your classmates… they called you a hero."

He shook his head. "They're wrong. I'm no hero. I'm a coward."

"Why?"

"Because a hero should be brave! Not like me!"

"Is your real objection because a hero should be loved by his father?"

"…"

"Did you really think piloting Eva would make your father change?"

"He… he said… he said mother w-"

"You're avoiding reality," said the girl. "The man who came to your uncle's house to recruit you to pilot Eva was still the same man who abandoned you all those years ago. You knew that, yet you still came to Tokyo-3."

"He lied to me! He tricked me! He was just using me!"

"Did you want to be used by him?"

"Of course not! What sort of question is that?!"

"Do you hate your father for using you, Shinji?"

"SHUT UP!"

His scream brought silence to the train car. The two teens stared at one another, each staring blankly at the other. Only the rocking of the car on the track punctuated the truce between the two.

Shinji looked away from the shaded figure, not wanting her to see his watering eyes.

"They need you, Shinji," she said, "just like you need to pilot Eva."

"They don't need me. They have Ayanami! They have you!"

The girl chuckled. "Well, I am pretty awesome."

"Exactly! I'm not cut out to pilot Eva."

"Says the boy who killed three Angels, two of them solo."

"I'm not special," he said, slumping forward. "They only liked me because I piloted Eva."

"So?"

"Why else would they want to be around me? I'm worthless!"

"God, you're acting like such a child," moaned the girl. "Do you really think Misato would have treated you that way she did if she thought you were a burden?"

"I want to disappear," confessed Shinji. "I want to forget about Father and Eva and Tokyo-3. I just want to stay here forever."

"Yeah, try that. Be a nobody. Go break a leg!" She brought a hand to her neck and daintily massaged it. "It'll be a nice change of pace."

"Nobody understands me."

"Oh?" The girl thumbed at the door leading to the next compartment. "What about him?"

"Huh?"

The girl said nothing. She just stared at him. Reluctantly, Shinji stood up and crept forward, unsure. He made it to the door leading to next train car and peaked through. The sight he saw shook him awake.

"F-father?" he mumbled in the nighttime.

Shinji stared at the ceiling that was lost in the darkness. The dream, once so clear, faded from memory. Only the sentiment remained fixed in his mind. After a while Shinji rolled over in bed and gathered the covers back around him. This time his sleep was dreamless.

 

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Gendo stared at the shaded forms of Captain Katsuragi and Doctor Akagi. They were sitting opposite him on the train – their backs to the setting sun – leaving their features indistinct against the flaring golden light of the sunset that framed them.

"You see compassion as weakness," Katsuragi said.

"Such an irrational man," added Ritsuko.

"This world punishes compassion. Better to keep a level head and a cool eye on one's goals," Gendo replied. "Anything else is wasted effort."

Katsuragi asked, "Like Pilot Ayanami?"

"No."

"She is a replacement," Ritsuko said, "a copy of the woman you loved, the woman who chose to abandon you and your son."

"No. Rei is Rei. She has her own worth. I see that now."

"You want that now," admonished Katsuragi.

"No. It is the truth."

Katsuragi shook her head. "The First was replaceable."

"The Second stayed that way despite your affections," said Ritsuko.

"But the Third realized what she was at heart," said Misato. "A thing. A tool devised to bring about the end of man's suffering."

"Instrumentality," said Ritsuko. "Human Complementation."

"Not this time!" declared Gendo. "Mankind will triumph on its own two feet!"

Katsuragi asked, "Mankind? Or you? Only one side can win a war, Commander. Any military officer can tell you that fact."

He frowned. "No. No, I've given up that plan, that hope. There will be no Third Impact, no Instrumentality. I'll see to that. I have a plan. Man will live past the red and dying evening. Man will prevail. Man will triumph."

"Such an irrational man," sighed Ritsuko.

"The Chamber of Gaf is empty, Commander."

"What?"

Katsuragi nodded. "Any school child knows that."

"Are the gloves staying on this time, lover?" asked Ritsuko.

He looked down and was puzzled by the sight that greeted him. His left hand was bare, turning it over he saw the palm riddled with scar tissue, but a pristine white glove covered his right hand. That hand felt warm… heavy….

"Another lie," said Katsuragi.

Fear and adrenaline spiked through him. Gendo's left hand darted over and ripped off the right hand's glove. He turned over that hand and on the palm was-

 

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Gendo Ikari awoke in a sweat.

It took the bearded man several seconds to reorient himself in reality. The dark bedroom, the sheets tangled around his legs, the woman resting on his chest… it all seemed so alien, so wrong.

"What's wrong?" asked Ritsuko Akagi.

I'm not dead, he reminded himself. I'm alive again.

"Nothing," he said firmly. Just another dream.

"Was it a dream?"

He frowned, drowsy and confused, but also caught off-guard by the fact that his lover had zeroed in on his troubles. "What?"

"You had a… a nightmare before," she said haltingly, obviously self-conscious.

I'm having them now even when she's here. Damn. This could complicate matters. "I don't remember," he said, trying to keep his tone casual and vaguely uninterested. "Did I say anything amusing?"

"No. Nothing coherent. Something about a tree. You were… upset." She was being diplomatic, he realized. She wasn't going to throw his night terrors back at him. Not when she was still playing for his affections. Not when she was afraid of him.

Gendo grunted. "Try to get some sleep, Doctor. Tomorrow is a busy day." With that he turned over, away from the blonde, and closed his eyes. Keeping his breathing slow he mimed the rhythms of sleep even after his companion had herself drifted off for the night.

The dreams did not return that night, but neither did sleep.

 

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I'm supposed to be helping these people by fighting the Angels. Instead I'm committing acts of industrial sabotage and terrorism. Misato sipped her drink and nodded politely at a passing JSSDF general she had once worked under. Is it really worth it? Is this what I signed up for?

"What a waste," huffed Ritsuko, carefully paging through a glossy informational brochure so as not to spill her drink. Handed out with their drinks, the brochures trumpeted the achievements of the company's current major initiatives. The Jet-Alone took up half the pamphlet. "Nippon Heavy Industry Solidarity used to be at the forefront of defense research here in Japan, now they're cribbing notes from the Yamato Group."

"We were the only ones who came in a VTOL, weren't we?"

Ritsuko dropped the brochure along with her empty champagne glass on a passing waiter's tray. "A VTOL built under NERV's contact with the Yamato Group. It's not like these people can even get their foot in the door of the aerospace industry anymore."

"Yeah," she said, "they got shot down for that big bomber plane contract back in, what, 2009? The Air Force still bitches about that fiasco."

"Really? Why?"

"Oh, some bigwig in the Special Forces division – Tachiki, I think his name was – managed to torpedo the deal and hand it to the Yamato Group. It was this whole clash of personalities in the Diet, rival factions and all that. Y'know, politics."

"Must have been a real bastard."

Misato frowned. "You're taking it a little personally."

"I know a few people here from my post-grad days." Ritsuko gestured to a group of engineers holding a pow-wow at the foot of the podium. "See that guy with the waterfall of a beard? That's Ito. We used to get together sometimes to have coffee at this little café and mock the poetry readers who came on open mike night."

"Seriously?"

Her lip curled up at one end. "I'm always up for a bit of schadenfreuden, Misato." She grabbed a fresh glass from a passing tray. "I had a job offer from this place a few years back, right before I joined NERV."

"You? You were going to go corporate?"

"Not all of us have your motives, Misato." She sipped her drink. "Besides, if I was going to show up my mother I needed the backing of someone with a budget."

And then there was a job opening at NERV. Misato checked her watch. "The booze is great and all but when are they going to show the giant robot?"

"Ten minutes. I think that y– heads up, Ito's coming over."

"Dr. Akagi!" called a jovial voice. "Came to see the JA after all, huh?"

"If you're talking about that walking nuclear bomb, then yes."

Ito smiled. "With any luck that walking 'nuclear bomb' will put your overpriced Evas out of a job, Akagi."

Misato sipped her drink as the two old colleagues bantered. Nothing today is being left to luck, she thought to herself.

 

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Unlike the one in Tokyo-3, Shinji's hometown school had no roof to escape to during lunch. The schoolhouse itself was a converted from a fire house after the Second Impact and its slanted roof offered no solace to those wanting to get away from the world. Instead, most of the students either ate in their classroom or in the wood areas surrounding the building.

While small, the school serviced the small population of the surrounding valley. Shinji's class of twelve was the largest grouping of students and alone had its own classroom. The younger students, whose classes were smaller and only came in batches of six or seven, often split the other rooms in the school. It was hard to go unnoticed at lunch. Shinji Ikari somehow managed it.

As he had before his brief sojourn to Tokyo-3, the former Third Child ate his lunch in a small clearing near a wooded grove to the rear of the school building. It could be a tad buggy at times but no one else ever came there, and when he didn't feel like listening to his SDAT the bubbling of a creek that passed nearby was equally calming.

Today, however, Shinji Ikari found himself fascinated by a new development in his hideaway. Overlooking the creek, a large, leafy bush that had forever sat there looking dully green now sported fiery red blooms; it was an entirely unexpected change. Shinji thought it looked nice.

Settling down with his packed lunch, Shinji Ikari slipped on his headphones and started his SDAT player on Track 25. Listening to the first notes of the overture, he nibbled absentmindedly on his food. Truth be told, he wasn't too hungry. So Shinji set aside his bento box and laid down in the grass, content to waste his lunch period as he pleased.

The sun was high overhead and shone through a clearing in the treetops. Clouds occasionally obstructed the sun but for the most part the hot white light shone down on him.

Something moved overhead.

Squinting, Shinji shielded the sun from his eyes with a cupped hand. When that didn't work he closed one eye and blocked out the sun over the other with a thumb. What he saw brought a smile to his face.

Nine dark shapes were circling around the sun. Hawks, Shinji decided, not that he could make out anything beside their basic shapes at this distance.

Hold on, aren't hawks territorial or something? Why would a bunch of them be circling together like that?

The former Third Child frowned. Standing up, he took a closer look at the nine dark shapes. They were long, skinny things with wide wingspans. Beyond that he still couldn't make out any specifics. In their claws they all clutched something. Sticks for nests, maybe? Shinji couldn't see what exactly it was.

Wait, he realized, only eight of them have it.

A crash of songbirds nearby drew Shinji's attention away from the overhead sky. He looked around to see if someone had come to disturb his lunch, but everywhere he looked there was nobo-

Shinji Ikari froze.

"Rei?"

The First Child, half hidden behind the red bush, stared back at him.

"Ikari!"

Shinji turned to look at the source of the voice on instinct. The bobbing ponytail and lankiness of the girl running towards him told Shinji that it was Kaede Chiba. Like him, she was an only child. Other than that he couldn't say much about her. The two had never really talked in all the years they'd been in school together.

The former Eva pilot looked back towards the flowering bush. No one was there. He looked overhead. The hawks were gone too.

"Earth to Ikari!" she shouted. "What the hell? Didn't you hear the sirens? We've been looking all over for you! The teachers are freaking!"

He frowned. "Why?"

"Because," she said, leaning against a nearby tree to catch her breath, "there's some big emergency going on! We have to get to shelter RIGHT NOW!"

"W-what?" he sputtered, thrown for a loop. "But the Angels shouldn't be h-"

He stopped, realizing what he had let slip. He stared at Kaede, waiting for her to ask him to explain his odd reference. However, because of her exhaustion or her worry over the alert, the mention of 'Angels' slipped past her.

"What are you waiting for?! Come ON!"

With one last glance back towards the lonely bush, Shinji followed his classmate's lead to the valley's civil defense shelter.

 

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Misato Katsuragi, clad in a radiation suit, checked her rigging for the nth time. The whole setup had been quickly attached to Unit-01 in order to provide extra safety for Misato's improvised plan to deal with the Jet Alone emergency.

Or at least that's what everyone else was being told. Ritsuko had come up with the schematics days ago. The secrecy of the plan meant that Misato had had to practice with the rigging in an isolated room in the depths of Terminal Dogma. Of course, all those practice runs hadn't been down thousands of meters in the air, speeding over a devastated landscape.

"Target in sight," Hyuga announced in her earpiece.

And it was. She could see the JA marching in a line straight across the countryside. It looked very small from so far up.

Sachiel would have beaten the crap out of it, she reminded herself.

"Eva has reached the drop point."

Shamshel would have sliced it to ribbons.

"Release docking clamps!" Misato ordered into the radio. "Go! Go!"

Ramiel would have blown it away from a distance. Radioactivity would have been spread across the countryside in every case. Remember Antarctica. Remember Dad. Keep you eyes on the prize, Misato. That Ito guy's leg getting snapped under falling rubble was just a necessary cost in the war. He'll heal. It's hard to heal from a Third Impact.

…

Fuck, I hate heights.

Rei Ayanami's voice was calm and collected. "Roger."

The Eva sliiid out from under the Delta Wing and fell to earth. Misato managed not to scream.

 

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Shinji Ikari found himself in the odd position of knowing far more than everyone else around him. In the valley's civil defense shelter, a holdover from the post-Impact days of the explosive weather storms that raged across Japan circa 2001 and 2002 when the planet first adjusted to its new axis, the collected citizenry were huddled around a television, chattering away as startling (to them) news filtered through.

Onscreen, the national news was replaying footage of a slim purple mecha – Eva Unit-01 – and its confrontation with a beige wedge-shaped mecha called Jet Alone. According to the Prime Minister's news conference, the privately built war machine had gone haywire during a demonstration test and nearly irradiated the countryside. Shinji's hometown would have been polluted with fallout had the reactor gone critical.

While most of the news focused on the JA – negatively so – little was made of the Eva save for the Prime Minster thanking NERV for its assistance in the crisis. Shinji figured it was a media blackout. Tokyo-3's news had been similarly filtered. That didn't stop the people in the civil defense shelter from speculating on the crumbs of information given to them about the Eva.

"Wow, a real giant mecha!"

"Why's it purple? That's not very manly."

"Is it one of those Angel things?"

"Angels?

"That's the damn emergency?"

"Who the fuck puts a nuclear reactor in a giant battle robot?"

"Language, Mister Narita!"

"So there are two robots? Do ya think the one's from Tokyo-3?"

"Yeah, that's where that NERV place is based, right?"

"That's only a rumor."

"Whoever they got piloting that monster must be one bad dude."

"Hey, didn't you just come back from Tokoy-3?"

"Jet Alone… nice name. Asking to be bitch-slapped by karma, but nice name."

"Shinji?"

The former Eva pilot tore his eyes away from the still frames of Unit-01 flashing across the TV. Toshi Oshiro, a short boy from his class, was talking to him. "You just got back from Tokyo-3, right?"

"Y-yeah."

A few more random people filtered over.

"You know anything about these mechas?" asked an elementary teacher whose name escaped Shinji.

"No," he replied, "I never heard of anything like them when I was there. I was just visiting my father." Who heads the organization that built the Evas, including that purple one on TV. Oh, and I used to pilot.

"Oh. Damn. Okay."

Attention once again passed away from Shinji Ikari, leaving him just another face in the crowd. Except for Toshi, who glanced from the shelter's TV back towards Shinji.

"Pretty cool, though," said the tall boy, adjusting his glasses. "Wish I could pilot one of those things."

"It's not as glamorous as you'd think," he snapped without thinking, before adding as a save, "Probably."

"Yeah, but still… how many people in the world would get to do it? It'd be like being an astronaut, only better." Toshi flicked a thumb towards the TV, which was showing a replay of Unit-01 standing in front of the Jet Alone and bringing the rampaging mecha to a halt. "I mean, the guy or guys piloting that thing? Just saved our lives. I wish I could thank him. Them. Whoever."

Shinji bit his lip. "How'd you know it wasn't a girl piloting?"

Toshi shrugged. "Still pretty heroic of her."

"…yeah," admitted Shinji. "I suppose so."

 

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NOW

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Gendo listened to the report calmly, his chin resting on laced fingers.

"The stock prices of Nippon Heavy Industry Solidarity are in free-fall and the Jet Alone Project has been publicly disowned by its own creator. The JA should no longer pose a threat to our funding or support," declared Doctor Akagi.

"I see. And Unit-01?"

"The Eva's retrieval has been completed. There's no fear of radioactive contamination." She favored the woman to her right with a sly smile. "All thanks to your heroic actions, Captain."

Misato Katsuragi didn't rise to the bait. "Everything went according to the plan, sir."

"Good work. Both of you."

"Thank you, sir," the two women chorused.

"Doctor Akagi, I'll need your status report on the Mk. II Project by the end of the day." Misato's eyes flickered over to her friend. "You're dismissed." Gendo stayed perfectly still in his pose. "Captain Katsuragi, stay a moment."

Commander Ikari waited for Doctor Akagi to leave his office.

"Captain," he went straight to the point, "did this assignment cause you any moral difficulty?"

Misato Katsuragi held her poker face, debating internally on how to handle the question. Had Rei betrayed her trust? Had Ritsuko? Shit. "Yes, sir."

"If I may, what were your objections?"

"I joined NERV to kill the Angels, sir. Not to commit industrial espionage."

"I see."

Misato Katsuragi kept her gaze steady and fixed on Commander Ikari's face. From her standpoint in front of his desk she couldn't see his eyes. His tinted glasses were reflecting the room's light in a glare. Not only did it cover his face, it made it a tad hard to stare directly into the intense glow. As with many things about Commander Ikari, Misato decided that this was not happenstance.

He's probably smirking at me behind those folded hands, too. The bastard. No wonder Shinji threw that punch.

"Sir," she began, "I will do whatever it takes to ensure our success in the war against the Angels. Our enemies don't care about legalities. They aren't signatures to any treaties or conventions. They aren't even human."

"And your moral objections?" Gendo Ikari set down his hands on the desk and leaned back in his chair. If he had been smirking, he wasn't now. Misato could see his eyes too, though they were still unreadable. "Because you should know, Captain Katsuragi, that this will not be the last morally objectionable act NERV will call on you to commit in order to achieve victory over our enemies."

"Sir, as I've said before, we are dealing with the survival of the human race. Defeating the Angels should be our first, last, and only priority. If we do morally questionable things… morally objectionable things… at least there will still be a human race around a hundred years from now to debate our ethics."

"And what if the Angels aren't the only threat to humanity's survival?"

Misato frowned. "Sir?"

"Captain, why were the Evas built?"

"…to destroy the Angels. Only the Evas can generate the necessary AT-Field." That's why I just torpedoed a major corporation!

"And what will happen to the Evas after all the Angels are destroyed?"

"I don't know, sir. However, if I had to hazard a guess, considering the cost of the Evas I imagine they would be continued to be deployed in the field as a return on the UN's investment, perhaps as a peace-keeping force of some sort under the UNCMF."

"You would be wrong," he replied. "Very wrong."

"Then what will the Evas be used for, sir?"

Gendo adjusted his glasses. "Think about that question for now, Captain. Privately. I'll be asking you again soon."

"Sir-"

"There is one more matter before you are dismissed," he said, reaching into his desk and pulling out a thin red folder. Misato's heart sank at the sight of it. "I'm afraid that this assignment will be especially difficult for you because of the personal nature of it." He offered her the folder. "An intelligence agent operating under Japan's Interior Ministry will be arriving shortly in Tokyo-3. He is posing as a Special Inspector for NERV. Currently he is aboard Over the Rainbow, escorting his ward, the Second Child."

Misato snatched the red file out of the Commander's hands and opened it. "How the hell could Section-2 let a spy get near Asuk… oh my God."

"I hope you remember your lenient stance on morally objectionable actions, Captain." Gendo leaned forward, his glasses glinting once again in the light. "Your assignment with regards to Mister Kaji is as follows…."

 

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When he had found the telegram waiting from him on his desk fifteen days ago – the day he had moved back into his uncle's house – Shinji had ripped the piece of paper to shreds and tossed it aside. Now the former Eva pilot was on his knees, carefully searching his bedroom floor for the last remaining scrap he needed to reassemble the telegram.

A-ha, he thought, spotting a small curl of paper nestled between the back of his desk and the wall.

Plucking it from the dark space, Shinji Ikari smoothed the scrap out on his thigh and laid a piece of clear tape over the top of it. He then took the taped scrap and attached it to the rest of the reassembled telegram, completing it.

It read:

If you decide to do the right thing. –Father

A telephone number and a coded string followed.

Reading the message still made him angry. But now…

…damn it, he thought to himself, what was that dream? Was I on a... a train? And what the hell was Rei doing by the bush? Am I going crazy?

He stared at the taped-up paper in his hands.

God, to do this? I have to be crazy. I should just put it away and forget about it.

Shinji went downstairs to the kitchen.

Wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, Shinji reached for the phone on the wall. There was a dial tone. He punched in the number listed on the reassembled telegram.

There was no ring. It was picked up instantly. "This is NERV Special Connections Office, how may I direct your call?"

"T-this is Shinji Ikari. I'd like to talk with my fa- with Commander Ikari."

"Authorization code?"

Shinji read off the string of nonsense on the telegram.

"One moment please."

A pause.

Riiiing. Riiiing. Riiii-click.

His father's voice was cool, "What do you want?"

Shinji opened his mouth but found his tongue was lost to him.

Father grew irritated. "If you're not going to say anything then you're just wasting my time."

"I saw Unit-01. On the news," he choked out.

"The operations of this organization are none of your concern. Not since you ran away."

"I… I didn't run away. I left."

"Rhetorical nonsense spoken by a coward."

Shinji shut his eyes. "F-father, why do you have to be so cruel?"

 

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"You're one to talk," he said, gesturing for silence from the newly arrived Fuyutsuki.

The older man mouthed, 'Shinji?'

Gendo nodded. "I tried to do right by you in a bad situation, Shinji," he said, "but you threw my feelings back in my face. How am I supposed to act?"

"You lied to me!" crackled his son's voice, the earpiece announcing his shout loud enough for the Vice-Commander to hear. "You used me!"

"I freely admit I brought you to Tokyo-3 for the purpose of piloting Eva. That doesn't mean I didn't want to take advantage of the opportunity to correct our relationship."

His son snorted. "Taking advantage is right."

Gendo paused for a moment, debating what tact to take in this unexpected conversation. In his heart he could sense that everything – the Angel War, Rei, Instrumentality, Shinji's own future – depended on what he said next.

"Fuck you," he told Shinji.

 

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The Third Child was stunned at his father's curse. "W-what?"

"You heard me," cut the heated voice of his father. "I'm sick of your petty, cowardly, selfish whining. Yes, I used you to pilot Eva. Are you happy? While I'm at it, let me say I'm sorry that I came hat in hand to rescue you from your pathetic life in the backwoods so you could help save the human race from extinction.

"I'm sorry for not crippling, if not killing, Rei Ayanami by sending her into battle against the 3rd Angel and leaving NERV permanently short one pilot even if – by some miracle – she managed to win.

"And while we're at it, I'm sorry piloting Eva was painful. After all, it's not like I warned you beforehand that it would be hard or that you could die. It's not like I gave you a choice. It's not like I let you leave."

He paused. "Now you call me and you have the temerity to bleat about the unfairness of your life. You make me sick."

Shinji found himself at a loss for words.

"So fuck you."

 

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The Vice-Commander goggled at Gendo. "Ikari," whispered Fuyutsuki urgently, "what the hell are you doing?!"

NERV's Commander thrust his free hand towards his friend in a shushing motion. The death glare that accompanied that gesture froze Kozo in his tracks.

"Y-y-you BASTARD!" screamed Shinji, his voice wet as Gendo suspected he was beginning to cry. "YOU abandoned me! YOU threw me away like I was trash! Like I was WORTHLESS! Where were you when I needed you?!"

"I had responsibilities."

"YOU WERE MY FATHER!"

"I had more important responsibilities."

"BASTARD!! I HATE YOU!"

Gendo smirked. "Finally, the truth comes out."

 

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Shinji slumped against the dishwasher, his legs folding underneath him. He felt so hot. He felt like he was burning. Yet now the frantic energy that had driven him in the last few moments had deserted him. "I… I… I don't h-hate you," he whispered into the telephone, wiping his tears away with a free sleeve. "I'm sorry."

"No, no," came the serious, analytical voice of his father. "You aren't the sort to tell people hurtful lies just to satisfying your vindictiveness. You wear your heart on your sleeve. It's one of the things I like about you, Shinji. It reminds me of your mother."

"…"

"Now that we finally know exactly where each of us stands why don't we get down to why you called me? Have you finally decided to get over your selfishness and do the right thing by your mother's work? Or have…"

His father's voice faded away as Shinji became fixated on the far wall of the tiny kitchen. There, running up along the battered door that led to the front room, was a series of tick marks in pencil. They were measurements, counting the centimeters of Shinji's growth over the years. His uncle had taken a measurement each month and dutiful marked the date against each little tick as they crept up alongside the doorframe. It was one of the few paternal things his uncle, who generally regarded him as a burden, had ever done for Shinji.

Would Father have done that for him if he hadn't thrown him away? What else had the two of them lost because of Father's coldness? Because he had chosen NERV and Ayanami over his own flesh and blood?

"You know," Shinji said in the phone, his tone flat but driven by something awakening deep within him, "since we're being honest I guess I should tell you what I really think about you, Father."

"You've already made your feelings clear."

Shinji ignored his father. "I look at you and I think how lonely you must be. After mother died… after you threw me away… all you had left was your work."

"I had responsibilities."

"Well, yeah," he snarked. "What else would you have? It's not like anyone would want to be around you for fun."

His father sighed. "More childishness. You disappointment me."

"Really?" Shinji stood up. "Because I'm sure you disappointed Mother."

"…"

"I bet when she met you she thought, 'God, what loser' and took pity on you. I bet she knew that if she didn't help you out you'd end up alone for the rest of your life. I bet she never really loved you at all. I bet she j-"

His father cut him off. "I sincerely advise you to stop talking."

He didn't listen. Shinji Ikari only wanted to make his father hurt like he himself hurt. "How does it feel to know that nobody will ever love you like she did? That you lost the most important person in your life?"

"Shinji," Father snapped, his voice steeled with cold fury, "I'm warning you."

"You know, I'm glad Mother is dead," he said, his lips stretching into a familiar smirk, "because now I know you'll die alone."

 

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Gendo Ikari breathed in and out for several seconds, his temples pounding as his son's poisonous words sank in. Kozo Fuyutsuki stood very still as he watched a look of pure hurt and hate pass over his friend's face.

"Well, Shinji," the Commander began, his tone as cold as the long-gone Antarctica ice sheet, "since we're being honest with each other let me tell you why I really threw you awa-"

Before he could continue Kozo Fuyutsuki darted forward and grabbed hold of the phone with one hand and placed his other over Gendo's mouth. "Don't," was all he said.

The two men glared at each other.

Gendo reached up and with his free hand brushed away Fuyutsuki's grip. He brought the receiver back into position. "Will you pilot Eva? Yes or no?"

"Yes," said Shinji, "but I'm not doing it for you."

"I don't care why you do it so long as you do do it." He paused. When he spoke again his voice was more collected. "I'm glad we had this chance to take sight of each other, Shinji. It will be helpful when we interact in the future."

His son's clinical tone mirrored Gendo's own. "Do I take the train or will you send a transport?"

"I'll arrange a VTOL to arrive shortly. We need you back in Tokyo-3 as soon as possible. There is a clearing near your uncle's home. It will land there."

"…"

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

"Goodnight, Shin-"

The connection cut off on him.

 

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Shinji Ikari kneeled over and vomited. After he had emptied his stomach the Third Child leaned over his own mess, dry heaving. Hot tears streamed down his face.

"Huh… ugh… ugh… oh god. Oh my god."

When the shaking stopped Shinji cleaned up the kitchen floor. Then he went upstairs to his bedroom in his uncle's house for the second to last time in his life.

The packing didn't take long. He'd had practice.

 

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Gendo Ikari set the phone down in its cradle.

"Ikari," said the other man flatly, "what was all that?"

"It was my plan."

"What? You're plan was to tell Shinji to fuck off?!" Fuyutsuki found his hands curling into tight fists. He struggled to control his voice level. "What sort of stupid, idiotic, boneheaded sort of plan is THAT?"

NERV's Commander was far calmer. "If I can't get him to love me, then it's better for him to outright hate me. At least then he won't get confused about conflicted emotions and make bad decisions." Gendo plucked a bottle of bourbon and a glass out of his desk. "Besides, he came crawling back just like I thought we would. He might not want praise from me anymore but he's still hungry for the approval of others all the same. Being a nobody cello player in the sticks isn't going to feed his hunger."

"Damn it, Ikari!" snapped Kozo. "You're supposed to be his father!"

"It's too late for me to be a father to Shinji," he said, pouring himself a drink. "I expected as much from the start."

"You used him!" raged Fuyutsuki. "You were handed a second chance at life and you didn't even really try to be a father! You're just running away – just like your son – from things that are too hard for y-"

Out of his uniform jacket, Gendo drew his sidearm.

Kozo Fuyutsuki stared down the barrel of the pistol. "Are you going to shoot me?"

Gendo drew out the following silence by taking a long, slow drink from his glass. When he was done he wiped his mouth on the uniform cuff of the hand holding the glass. "If you continue to talk out your ass as an authority on matters beyond your understanding… then yes, Professor. My patience has a limit."

The elderly man shook his head in disgust. "My God, Ikari. What the hell happened to you?"

"Yui," he replied, his voice harsh and thick with pain.

"…"

Gendo waved the gun at the door. "Get out."

Kozo Fuyutsuki took one last look at his friend, then turned and walk towards the exit. He did so without concern, even with full knowledge of the gun pointed at his back, for he still knew the man standing behind him even if Gendo Ikari had lost himself.

When the double doors to his office shut, Gendo returned the pistol to its hostler.

You were right about one thing, Shinji, he thought to himself. I am going to die alone now.

Gendo Ikari finished his drink, then poured another.

 

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It was nighttime. The Moon was fat overhead.

The VTOL touched down in the field, sending violent ripples through the tall grasses carpeting it. Shinji adjusted the strap on his duffle bag so that it didn't chafe as much. Next to him, resting on a dry patch of earth, his cello case stood at attention. No one else was with him. His uncle had made his own intention clear when he had caught Shinji slipping out the door as he himself came home for a long day at work. Words were then said between the two, though Shinji knew that their parting conversation hadn't had any real venom to it. No, he knew what that tasted like now.

A door on the VTOL opened, bathing Shinji in golden light. A pair of uniformed officers stepped off the craft and walked over to him. They promptly relieved him of his luggage and escorted Shinji to the VTOL. A few feet from the boarding staircase he caught sight of the other passenger aboard the craft.

"Hi," greeted Misato Katsuragi, offering him a hand up into the cabin. "I broke our kitchen."

Shinji blinked. "What?"

"Long story short, I tried to do a little cleaning. It went about as well as my cooking."

"Oh."

The two stared at each other.

Misato waved the hand she had been offering him, drawing attention back to it. "C'mon. This bird needs to fly."

Shinji took her hand.

As the VTOL pulled up from his old hometown, Shinji cast one last glance out the nearest window port at the porch light on his uncle's home. The rest of the house was dark. His uncle had gone to bed and – as always – had forgotten to turn off the light again.

At least I won't have to be the one to change the bulb. Stupid rusty fixture screws…

He pushed that old complaint out his mind and looked over to Captain Katsuragi. She was sitting across from him in the spacious cabin. "So," she said to him in that faux-casual tone of hers, "why'd you change you mind?"

"I realized I hate my father."

Misato Katsuragi blinked in shock at this unprompted confession. "Er, you do?"

Shinji nodded. "Yeah."

"Then why… why are you coming back to work for him?"

"It's hard to explain." He wracked his heart for the right words. "I guess… I came back because I need answers. About Father, Ayanami…."

Me.

Misato accepted his incomplete reply. "Shinji?"

"Yes, Misato?"

"Are you going to leave us again?"

"You a damn fool!" his uncle had hollered at him as he tugged his cello case away across the lawn. "And don't come crying when he betrays your trust again! Because he will! Just like he did with Yui!"

"If I did, where would I go?"

He turned his head and stared out the window next to him. The dark countryside swept past underneath, illuminated only by the waxing, nearly full Moon. The light of the VTOL's interior cabin ruined his night vision; he could only spot the outlines of the treetops – the rest was black as pitch.

"I'll pilot Eva," he said. "I suppose it's the right thing to do." It was a lame statement, Shinji realized, but Misato let it slide. "I'm just not sure what I'll do after all the Angels are gone. I don't know where I'll go then. I mean, why would NERV need me if all there aren't any more Angels?"

"That's a good question," said Misato, "but concentrate on beating the twelve remaining Angels. We'll worry about the future once we know we'll have one."

Shinji looked back at his guardian and found her unusually pensive. "Misato?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think we'll win?"

When she spoke, she talked to him like an adult. It was a nice change. "Nothing's certain in war. We can train you, outfit the Evas with everything but the kitchen sink, and if things get bad there's always the Nero Protocol and the SDS… but yes, the Angels may win."

"…"

"But Shinji," she said, "the human race dies if we just roll over. The Angels aren't interested in peace, only in our annihilation. They want to finish the job they started fifteen years ago. So we fight."

"…"

"…"

"So," Shinji said, "about the kitchen…"

"Yeah?"

"I can at least still use the stove to cook, right? It's not like you could break that!"

Misato winced.

 

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# # # TO BE CONTINUED # # #

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Author's Notes: Atta boy, Shinji. Embrace your inner Gendo-ness. See where it takes you.

A lot of reviewers were theorizing that Shinji would join the JSSDF or SEELE against his dad. This isn't that kind of fic. Shinji's a fourteen year old who's pissed at his dad but really has no idea what he's in the middle of. For now he'll be pushed around by forces outside his control and not resist.

Misato is playing a bigger role than I originally envisioned. I suppose it makes sense when you remember that the Gendo/Shinji relationship is the core of this fic – Misato's really the bridge between their two worlds. She'll also be playing a much MUCH bigger role in the story than even Gendo is expecting.

Speaking of the bearded bastard, he's screws aren't all that tight anymore. We'll be wading into that topic next chapter.

Ritsuko's role is slowly starting to expand. You'll be seeing more of her in less of a Dr. Exposition role from here on out.

Next chapter will officially bring Asuka into the fold. I seriously considered just hand waving the Gaghiel fight like they did in the manga – it's almost as tired to reread as a Sachiel fight sequence. However, I think I've come up with a new spin on it that, as far as I know, hasn't been done in fanfic yet. At least not in anything I remember reading.

Next chapter will also be… different. We'll be taking a close look at everyone's favorite redheaded and bearded menaces. Expect some serious shit to go down.

Oh, and there will be some Grade-A WAFF coming up soon. I think we could use some after all this angst. But not next chapter. God no.

NEXT CHAPTER: The obligatory "Asuka Strikes!" remake

1. Born Again 2. Recruitment Drive 3. I Came, I Saw, I... 4. The Butterfly Effect (I) 5. Meet and Greet 6. Callings 7. Dreams (I) 8. His and Her Circumstances 9. Jetting Alone 10. Asuka and the Ikaris 11. According to Plan

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